Appendicitis = Much Needed Life Selah
Though I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, there is something about being pushed off the treadmill of life and laid flat on my back, helpless, that has been so healthy for me. At this time of year, school is quite stressful (end of year grades, preparations for next year, packing up and closing down a classroom for the summer), never mind the assignments for my grad classes that I'm trying to finish up before summer classes start, in addition to keeping up with life in general. And yet all of the things that were so important to me last Sunday as I thought about all I had to do and how "on purpose" I would have to be with my time in the coming weeks to get it all done--suddenly became less important when the dull ache and heaviness in my abdomen wouldn't go away.
I spent Monday all day in the ER, working on report cards, carefully maneuvering around the IV in my arm, trying to find a comfortable position to write. I was still trying to eek out every bit of time "off" I had to get done what needed to get done. Out of the two doctors, radiologist, and surgeon who saw me, no one would give me a completely straight answer about what was wrong with me. I'm not one to worry about something until it's time to worry about it, but they had mentioned all sorts of scary reproductive system problems that could be contributing to my pain, and that was a nagging fear in the back of my mind all day. But I tried to push it away.
Once my knight in shining armor arrived, he drove me to Reston hospital where I was admitted and settled into a room to wait to talk with the surgeon. I pounded out some quick sub plans for the next day and was relieved when a teacher friend of mine offered to write the plans for the next three days of the week. I had barely finished my plans when the surgeon came in and laid out the options, saying I was lucky she was still at the hospital. I had some of the criteria for appendicitis, but she couldn't conclusively tell from the CT scan if indeed that's what it was. This felt like a huge burden on us to decide whether or not to go ahead with surgery, as we didn't want to do anything unnecessary. I was even given the option to wait until the next morning and see if the discomfort would just go away. After having a pow-wow with our nurse mothers, we felt it was best to not wait until morning to have the surgery. And it's a good thing we didn't. The next day when the surgeon checked in with me, she told me that another day and my appendix would have ruptured...
When we committed to the surgery and they started prepping me, I had a most acute sense of helplessness, and though I'm sure I was being melodramatic, I started thinking, "Oh my gosh. I don't want to die. I just got married, and life is so GOOD right now. God please don't let me die. I'll give all of my life back to you again and again if you don't let me die." In another part of my mind I laughed at myself and my weak little plea bargains with God.
Then the tears came. I felt silly--if anything it was probably just minor surgery, right? But it was surgery, and I was going to let someone cut me open and then maybe tell me something I didn't want to hear. I didn't know what was on the other side--and yet I did want to know.
Helpless. Complete dependence on the surgeon and the anesthetist. Extreme gratefulness when the anesthetist said within ear shot that I was a "low risk" healthy woman. I wonder if he knew how badly I needed to hear that...and then all went white blank for awhile, til I woke up with nasty tubes in my throat and felt the pain in my body. The best part was to hear Pete's voice telling me that everything was alright, that it WAS appendicitis and no more than that. Relief flooded through my body.
Thus has begun the process of healing and forced dependence that has been so good for me. Pete stayed with me the first night, giving me cold water and ice chips through the night, going for nurses when I needed anything at all, stroking my hair and just letting me know he was there. Dee and the boys visited me at the hospital the next morning. It was so good to see familiar faces. I left on Tuesday night, longing for an uninterrupted night of sleep. Our vegetarian friend, Tina brought an amazing dinner for us, not forgetting one blessed little detail, even including MEATballs. My mom made the 2 1/2 hour drive from Pennsylvania for a half day visit before she left for vacation. Dee came back on Friday to hang out a bit and help me out around the house. Friends have stopped by to visit, or called to check up on me. It has been SO GOOD to just STOP and think and refocus and rest.
Selah--"stop and listen"
What a beautiful thing an appendectomy has been for me, in a weird sort of way.
I spent Monday all day in the ER, working on report cards, carefully maneuvering around the IV in my arm, trying to find a comfortable position to write. I was still trying to eek out every bit of time "off" I had to get done what needed to get done. Out of the two doctors, radiologist, and surgeon who saw me, no one would give me a completely straight answer about what was wrong with me. I'm not one to worry about something until it's time to worry about it, but they had mentioned all sorts of scary reproductive system problems that could be contributing to my pain, and that was a nagging fear in the back of my mind all day. But I tried to push it away.
Once my knight in shining armor arrived, he drove me to Reston hospital where I was admitted and settled into a room to wait to talk with the surgeon. I pounded out some quick sub plans for the next day and was relieved when a teacher friend of mine offered to write the plans for the next three days of the week. I had barely finished my plans when the surgeon came in and laid out the options, saying I was lucky she was still at the hospital. I had some of the criteria for appendicitis, but she couldn't conclusively tell from the CT scan if indeed that's what it was. This felt like a huge burden on us to decide whether or not to go ahead with surgery, as we didn't want to do anything unnecessary. I was even given the option to wait until the next morning and see if the discomfort would just go away. After having a pow-wow with our nurse mothers, we felt it was best to not wait until morning to have the surgery. And it's a good thing we didn't. The next day when the surgeon checked in with me, she told me that another day and my appendix would have ruptured...
When we committed to the surgery and they started prepping me, I had a most acute sense of helplessness, and though I'm sure I was being melodramatic, I started thinking, "Oh my gosh. I don't want to die. I just got married, and life is so GOOD right now. God please don't let me die. I'll give all of my life back to you again and again if you don't let me die." In another part of my mind I laughed at myself and my weak little plea bargains with God.
Then the tears came. I felt silly--if anything it was probably just minor surgery, right? But it was surgery, and I was going to let someone cut me open and then maybe tell me something I didn't want to hear. I didn't know what was on the other side--and yet I did want to know.
Helpless. Complete dependence on the surgeon and the anesthetist. Extreme gratefulness when the anesthetist said within ear shot that I was a "low risk" healthy woman. I wonder if he knew how badly I needed to hear that...and then all went white blank for awhile, til I woke up with nasty tubes in my throat and felt the pain in my body. The best part was to hear Pete's voice telling me that everything was alright, that it WAS appendicitis and no more than that. Relief flooded through my body.
Thus has begun the process of healing and forced dependence that has been so good for me. Pete stayed with me the first night, giving me cold water and ice chips through the night, going for nurses when I needed anything at all, stroking my hair and just letting me know he was there. Dee and the boys visited me at the hospital the next morning. It was so good to see familiar faces. I left on Tuesday night, longing for an uninterrupted night of sleep. Our vegetarian friend, Tina brought an amazing dinner for us, not forgetting one blessed little detail, even including MEATballs. My mom made the 2 1/2 hour drive from Pennsylvania for a half day visit before she left for vacation. Dee came back on Friday to hang out a bit and help me out around the house. Friends have stopped by to visit, or called to check up on me. It has been SO GOOD to just STOP and think and refocus and rest.
Selah--"stop and listen"
What a beautiful thing an appendectomy has been for me, in a weird sort of way.
posted by J4CK13 at 12:45 PM
1 Comments:
Wow! How fun to see a new post here!!!
I'm so sorry you had to go through the pain and the anxiety of all this...but I appreciate so much your perspective that allows you to rejoice in it!
I remember when I had mono back in 2000...not quite as serious as appendicitis, but big in my life. All the things I had thought important (finishing the piano teaching semester, final recital for my students, etc.) suddenly became less important. I realized, "Hey, I CAN cancel the recital! I CAN stop teaching now!" It was an adjustment to see that the things I thought were so important could so quickly be wiped away, and it didn't really matter. :)
I also remember the support of hubby and friends at that time. To usually be the one to give and to serve, and then to be put in a place of receiving gifts and service, was also a major adjustment--but such a great one!
I hope your recovery is continuing to go well (or is over already) and that you continue down the path in your wonderful, happy life with an added depth to your soul.
Another bonus to this whole episode--it didn't happen on Sept. 23!!! :)
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